A couple's marriage will not be acknowledged in the society
if it is carried out without a traditional sacred ceremony
according to the Hindu religious beliefs. In addition, the
couple will be excommunicated from their village.
There are three kinds of marriage styles in Bali: "Ngerorod"
(elopement), "Memadik" (more respected) and "Nyentana"
(where a man moves permanently into his wife's home). The
most common of these is eloping, whereby the man and woman
arrange to meet somewhere out of sight of the girl's parents
and spend the night together at a friend's house. Sufficient
publicity is ensured so that people find out what is going
on. Under these circumstances the girl is not allowed to
return to her parents and resume life as before, but in
most cases the girl's parents are not in the least surprised.
However, they make a great show of pretending to be outraged
at the impudence of the boy and his family for plotting
the downfall of their daughter.
"Memadik" is a marriage form in Bali in which
the boy's parents and other family members come to the house
of the girl's parents and respectfully ask for their daughter.
This is a costly process as large ceremonies and offerings
are involved, but needless to say accords significantly
more respect from the girls parents as compared to the clandestine
night-time elopement. Form the man's point of view, however,
it's more risky as the parents of his bride-to be must give
their approval.
"Nyentana" is the marriage system in Bali in
which the boy leaves for the girl's house and thereafter
belongs to the girl's family. This happens when the girl's
parents have no sons to look after their property - the
man is effective assumed into the family to continue the
male lineage. In this case, it is the man's parents who
must give their consent.
The morning after the proposal or elopement, a priest performs
a simple ceremony called "mekala - kalaan", which
is similar to a small civil wedding in the west. It is a
very private affair and the couple wears only the simplest
of traditional Balinese clothes. Then they are legally married.
Often the family of the boy will put on a more elaborate,
formal wedding ceremony in which everyone dresses up in
traditional Balinese clothing and a priest presides. The
boy generally has a reception for friends of the couple
who were not invited to the traditional ceremony. The reception
is strictly western style. Three days after the wedding
procession, the family of the boy visit the family of the
girl, at whose house the "Ketipat Bantal" ceremony
is performed. At this ceremony, the two families become
united.
Mantras are chanted and offerings given in order to purify
the sperm and the egg in the hopes that the two will be
free from the influence of evil and demons will not interfere
in the formation of the embryo.
Years ago in the days of Bali's kingdoms, the marriage
system was very strict. Only couples from the same caste
were allowed to marry, in order to maintain the purity of
the caste system. Anyone braking these marriage rules was
banished from their village and often sent out into the
jungle for the rest of their days. These days, however,
while still very much respected, the caste system no longer
holds such an iron-like grip over the Balinese and greater
flexibility is permitted.
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